Fifteen Easy Ways to Annoy Fang By: Max
by ikasamelindora
Summary: So. It's time for revenge. I'm SICK of all the torture I go through everyday by Mr. Silence. So, I stole the little geek's laptop. And THIS was born. 15 simple ways to annoy Fang. For now. And now, not so much. Fang here. Be prepared.
1. Fun with Fang

15 Easy Ways to Annoy Fang...(By Max)

Disclaimer: Neither the Maximum Ride books or its characters belong to us. All of that belongs only to the amazing James Patterson. So please don't sue us. We aren't copywriting. PROMISE!

(A/N) Yo, readers! Alright, here's the deal. I don't wanna bore you with my nonsense, and neither does my buddy…..This story is, basically, ways to annoy Fang. Via Max. Ya got that guys? And by the way, please visit us at: writersworld-fanfic./ Or we'll haunt you forever! Bwuhahahaha!

**15 Easy Ways to Annoy Fang….(By Max)**

1. Bleach all of his little black clothes. For extra humiliation? Dye them pink!

2. Lock him in a small cage. A very small cage.

3.Pay Gazzy to imitate Max's voice professing undying love. Then slap Fang when he asks you out.

4.Pet him and hug him for warmth while saying "Kitty, kitty! Who's a good kitty kitty? You are! Yes you are!"

5. Call the "Red-haired Wonder" and tell her that Fang wants to get together again.

6. Give him Valium. Make a recording of him talking. Never, EVER, let it go when he says "Max, Max, I looove you"

Never.

7.Talk about Sam.

8. Call Fang Sam.

9. When you're spacing out, and asked what you're thinking of, reply: "Sam..."

10. Say it in an extra dreamy voice.

11. Pretend to sleep kiss Fang. When he kisses you back, go "Ohh Sam!"

12. Hug attack Fang, and when he turns around, fake surprise and say " I thought you were Sam!"

13. Gather a plethora of people Fang hates. Allow them to hug him at will. Point and laugh.

14. Booby trap the place in which you're staying. Make sure Fang hits them all up.

15. Ask Angel to read Fang's mind and tell you everything. And that means EVERYTHING. Make sure he knows you know what you know. Wait, what?


	2. Annoying Ari

Disclaimer: Neither the Maximum Ride books or its characters belong to us

Disclaimer: Neither the Maximum Ride books or its characters belong to us. All of that belongs only to the amazing James Patterson. So please don't sue us. We aren't copywriting. PROMISE!

(A/N) Yo, readers! Alright, here's the deal. I don't wanna bore you with my nonsense, and neither does my buddy…..This story is, basically, ways to annoy all the members of the flock. And then some. Via Max. Ya got that guys? And by the way, please visit us at: writersworld-fanfic./ I'm going to keep persisting with this webpage. So just visit it! And, ya know, enjoy the chapter and whatnot.

15 Easy Ways to Annoy Ari

1. Force Ari to listen to "Who Let The Dogs Out"

2. Point and laugh.

3. Manicure his claws in the dead of night.

4. Take photos.

5. Post on Fang's blog.

6. Shave him. Plant the fur/ hair in Fang's back pocket. (two birds- uh. One bird kid and one super mutant with one stone)

7. Have Ari and Fang fight. Fang plays dead. Shun Ari from the friendship circle. Then tell him it was a joke three days later. Well, whenever it is he becomes angry. It might take eight bitter years.

8.Take the feathers off his wings. Pluck them like he's a small pheasant. Repeat second part of step six.

9. Request he reads a complicated book. Give him two days. In those two days, make Fang an expert on said book. Enjoy fighting with a cool glass of lemonade after Ari is humiliated.

10. Send him to Disney World. Anonomously shout "It's Wolverine!!" Laugh as he is hugged like mad and is forced to pick suckers out of his fur. (Note: if you tried step six, then simply paste some faux fur on him beforehand. Tell him it's a good look for him. Use super glue, so it stays. Then, it's even more painful than just fur! You might just rip his skin too!)

11. Call park security. Hide, and enjoy.

12. Or the pound.

13. Adopt him from the pound.

14. Dress him up in humiliating outfits. Suggestions are: Hannah Montana or High School Musical attire, rhinestone collars, or anything with "Max's Little Doggy" on it.

15. Kiss Fang. (Once more, one bird kid and one super mutant with one stone, by using my suggested "Sam..." mutterings.)


	3. Jabbing at Jeb

Disclaimer: Neither the Maximum Ride books or its characters belong to us

Disclaimer: Neither the Maximum Ride books or its characters belong to us. All of that belongs only to the amazing James Patterson. So please don't sue us. We aren't copywriting. PROMISE!

(A/N) Yo, readers! Thanks so very much for tuning in to the _third _chapter in this story! It's really amazing you've not gone insane already….But! Since I still do not want to invoke the wrath of our readers…..This story is, basically, ways to annoy all the members of the flock. And then some. Via Max. Ya _still_ got that guys? And by the way, please visit us at: writersworld-fanfic./ I'm going to keep persisting with this webpage. So just visit it! If you check out our profile, you'll find the actual link. The one you can CLICK! And, ya know, I guess you should enjoy the chapter and whatnot.

Fifteen ways to Annoy Jeb!

_These may not be as funny, but I certainly enjoyed it. And if you think these are "mean," I implore you. Live life as an expieriment._

1. Tell him you will never, under any circumstances, be his daughter.

Let him have the DNA test done.

It won't change a thing.

Ever.

SO HA!

2. Point and laugh again.

3. Take him to a counseling class with Ari. (note: this is a PRO Ari activity, so do so BEFORE you're mean to Ari, thus making the rejection up to ten times more painful!)

Make Nudge be the Sensei.

4. Replace Nudge with a pro after they take all the Tylenols in the area. Pay off the therapist to tell him he's a horrible person. Make a recording of it. Show it to Mom, saying "See! It's not just me!"

5. Anytime he pisses you off, simply remind him he can make as many of you as he pleases, as long as he cleans up after himself. Run away looking dejected.

6. Then, make him beg to be forgiven when he catches you "crying"

Or laughing. Which ever is easier to muster.

I'd guess laughter.

7. Lean over him as he's working. Make a snide remark. Suggestions are: "Designing another Ari? Yeah, I mean, you're not getting any women around here, are ya, oldster? Checked the senior home?" or "Getting a little thin on top there, Jeb?"

8. Get him hair thickening surgery.

9. Laugh when he's stuck with all those needles! Say "See what it feels like? Who's laughing now? ME!"

10. Spread hair thickener on his back. Hand him Fang with a razor (have you all SEEN his past attempts? It's like the emo's spread to his chin!). Enjoy.

Immensely.

11. Restrain him. Forcibly place a Valium Mask on him. Give up to three times more than the designated amount to him, and watch him go crazy! Well, crazier.

12. Fill out an application for a nursing home. Or a hospice. Go up to him, hand him the form, and say "I just need your signature here."

Run.

13. Make his gold card "mysteriously" disappear. Buy stuff. Like, XXL underwear and bras. Have them delivered to him directly. Just "happen to be around" when this happens. Widen eyes. Say: "Jeb! I had no idea you were THAT kind of guy!" Run away screaming.

For added fun? Say: "What if THAT kind of behavior rubs off on Fang?"

14. Schedule him a skydiving class. Tell him it's a sightseeing trip. Push him from helicopter. Circle him as he falls. Scream, "Now you know what it's like to fly!" Fly back up to helicoptor. Turn to instructor. Listen for splat. "Klutzy little, thing, ain't he?"

Soar away laughing.

15. Place arm around Jeb. Pat his shoulder. Kiss his cheek. Do ANYTHING friendly. Then say: "Wouldn't it be nice if I didn't hate you? These things could all be yours if... you die."

Make sure you hurt his feelings.

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We are now going to take the time to thank our _freakin'_ awesome reviewers.

They are…..Shazza-Girl (The very first) SadDesire'15, laddie girl, cal 24, and EnergyAngel (Who actually reviewed twice! And they were both _nice_)

Thank you, fellow hatred lovers!

Max!


	4. Irking Iggy

Max is back with a vengeance! Sorry, to my adoring fans (A/N: snort) for disappearing for so long! But! Now I have a few ways to annoy Ignora-erm, Iggy. Again, I'm not sure you'll love these, but ANYWAY -_I_- love to annoy these little...

Well, Angel's here, so I'm not gonna finish THAT sentence, now am I!?

Disclaimer: We don't own MR, or anything affiliated with it. Duh. Otherwise, we'd be totally rich!

Dedicated to Zeorza because she suggested we do Iggy. Who was surprisingly hard to annoy!

Irking Iggy

1. Move all furniture. Say nothing. For example, place a

kiddie pool full of ketchup (or mustard) in place of couch.

Or one of those medieval torture thing-ys, the spiky beds.

2. Place a bomb in his pizza INCONSPICUOUSLY. When it blows up in his face, shout "DEJAVU!" and run.

RUN LIKE FANG'S NOSE ON A COLD WINTRY EVENING!

3. Replace fuse made of your only good pants with a fuse of Iggy's favorite clothing and/ or novelty items. Tell him after they've blown up that Fang has them. Stand a safe 100 feet away as they duke it out. (note: This is funnier in person. Just take my word. I know this kinda stuff)

For added fun?

Have Gazzy in on the scheme and do some imitations, like "Max will never love you!" or "I'll never love you Iggy!"

Both are below the belt.

4. Paint everything in your current living space (I'll not say house BECAUSE IT WAS BLOWN UP!) black.

5. Get a buttload of small children to come to your CLS (read above for explanation of that) and tell Iggy to babysit. Have everyone "leave" and listen as he continuously answers "What's it like to be bwind?"

Below the belt, I know, BUT O-FREAKING-WELL!

6. Replace the laundry detergent bottle with orange clothing dye. When asked if the bottle's the right detergent, say yes. "Of course it is, Iggy! What makes you think it wouldn't be?"

7. After the fact, when he touches the clothes and finds the colors changed, tell him that Nudge decided he needed to brighten his looks.

8. Invite his parents (Warning! This may cause frustration. They're snobs.) to dinner at your CLS one evening. "Forget" to tell Iggy that they are coming.

9. Provide his least favorite drink. Cook his least favorite meal. And serve his least favorite dessert.

10. When his parents arrive, sit one on each side of Iggy. Sit back, and enjoy watching him squirm.

11. Enroll Iggy in a blind therapy class. Mutter as you leave "I hope he doesn't go Berserk AGAIN. It'd just be another class he'd murder."

Laugh as he is moved to an anger management class.

Ha.

Or tell him he's deaf instead

Or, tell them he's both.

12. Get Fang to walk up to Iggy with you. Punch Iggy in the face. Run away, yelling, "Fang did it!"

13. Go to a beach in California. Get Gazzy to imitate Fang's voice saying that random girls are hot. Make Iggy mad by refusing to describe the girls because that would be SEXIST!

14. Cover Iggy's eyes from behind. Say, "Guess whoo!?" Replace self with Fang.

15. While Iggy's sleeping, carefully tie him up and hang him upside down. When he wakes up, let him dangle and wonder if he's upright or upside down. Then, when you tell him he's upside down, say, "Now you can finally fulfill your childhood dream of being a bat!"

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Hey! Thanks for reading out _beautiful_ fanfic! Although I don't know how you could possibly stand reading it...but you can certainly continue! Anyways, review. We've had 'bout 900 hits but only about 16 or 17 reviews!

Check out our other story too. "The Twilight Ride Club." It's a crossover. And it's more..."serious." Stop by our profile too! And check out the writer's blog link!

Love y'all!!


	5. What Just Happened?

_A/N: "What's this? What is _this?_ They have the _nerve_ to come back after such a long absence?!?" I'm sure that's what you're all thinking. And, yes, dear readers of this fic, it _has_ been quite a long while. Really, there's only one thing for us to say. We. Are. Sorry. Srsly, man. We hope the lot of you can see past our...er...fail-ish-ness and will enjoy the chapter we've put out for you. And we will try to get the next chapter out quicker; I'm pretty sure it can be done, considering the recent flood of fanfiction documents on our username._

_ Besides that, this chapter is pretty epic. Go forth. Read. Enjoy._ Review.

* * *

**Disclaimer: It's surprising, but I don't own Maximum Ride. Heh. Who knows when THAT will happen. Feeling like making me lucky, James?**

**Ahem.**

Dear 'wonderful' readers of the fanfic 'Fifteen Easy Ways to Annoy Fang.'

This is Fang speaking.

Surprised you, didn't I? Now do you get the disclaimer? You weren't expecting me to catch on, were ya? Well.

Guess what?

_I did._

And you're all _dead_ to me. Except for maybe 'One of the Flock' because I too have a hate for Sam. And, as I've seen, **someone named Maximum Ride** saw it fit to use that against me. Let me spell a few things out for you.

1. Max. Max is now locked in a closet. Where she will remain until I choose to forgive her for the insanity I was caused. Have _you_ ever been kissing a girl, only to have her utter the name of a guy you hate more than that shopping channel that apparently _always_ has bloody great deals, _always_ has amazing products, and is _always_ on?

No. You probably haven't.

It. Is. Not. Fun.

2. This story? I'm stopping it here and now. That means **no more screwing with my head.** Ari's head? Jeb's head? Iggy's head? You are _welcome_ to screw with those empty shells attached to their necks. Feel _free_ to screw with them. No, I _encourage_ you to screw with them.

But leave me alone.

3. My nose does not, as my good friend Maximum said, run on cold wintry days. It is a rare occasion I get sick, and if I do? It's probably because Max tried to cook again.

So ha. Hahahahaha. Ha.

4. And fourth and finally-

**Please give us a few moments. We're having….Technical difficulties. Thank you!**

…

Hey, readers!? Guess what!

It's someone you actually want to talk with- Max! Like ropes and a wooden door could restrain me. Hahaha, nice one Fang. That boy. He's _such_ a kidder_._

I've just read what Fang wrote above. Please ignore all lies written by Fang; his nose is running as we speak. Oh, okay, it's blood from where I beat the living crap out of him, but hey.

And now, without further blabbering ado I present to you…

15 _(more)_ Easy ways to Annoy Fang

1. Post a list of 15 ways to get on his nerves on a well known website. Don't let him find out. I repeat. Do. Not. Let. Him. Find. Out. I know this from _experience._

2. Take him to Karaoke Night at any local bar/club/etc. Shove him up onto the stage. Choose the song "I Believe In a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness for him to in the glory of him attempting to hit that high C. BASK IN IT!

3. Replace Fang's jeans with your own--the old flower embroidered ones. He likes tight jeans, right? So he's not going to notice when he puts them on in the daze of early mornin', right? Right. As a matter of fact, Fang isn't going to notice at all.  
That is, until Iggy says something.

4. Volunteer him to work at an old persons' home. Enjoy hearing him being lectured- "Back when I was your age, we wore pants that didn't hug our bottoms to the every curve. We wore man's clothing, not women's. And we didn't stitch flowers onto our heinies neither!"

5. At some point, when the flock is in public, bribe Gazzy into saying in Fang's voice, "Who cares about Michael Jackson _anyway?_" Then, when the infuriated crowd turns to glare at him with evil, anime-like expressions, point to Fang, yell "It was him!", and run.

6. Replace all of the bathroom towels with Shamwow!s. If you've ever used a Shamwow!, you know where I'm coming from. If you haven't, refer to YouTube.  
And, you know, you can just plop a headset on him and call him Vince.

7. _Accidentally_ abandon Fang in the anime section of the next convenient bookstore. For extra-special fun, leave him there when the bookstore is receiving a long awaited shipment of books and anime fans are crowding around happily. If you want to ensure he is scarred for life, make sure he has no clothes left to wear that day but a shirt with an anime character on it. Can anyone say 'Fang, dude, there's this grouchy guy named Kanda who looks similar to you in the Maximum Ride manga!'?

8. This. Is. Where. The. Madness. Stops. For. The. Final. Bloody. Time.

Maximum Ride is in a better place now, kiddies. She's at Wal-Mart. Yes, that's right. Wal-Mart.

Who am I?

They call me..._Fang.  
_Ha. Were you expecting it _this_ time around? Probably not. But, that's me, boys and girls- I pop up in unexplainable places at unexplainable times. So to continue Max's little ranting on me,

I'd like to take this opportunity to fill in this list with some facts. Because, you know, I'm obviously not going to sit here and tell you how to annoy me. That's like telling someone where your ticklish spot is- why even do it?

9. I just happened to overhear Nudge complaining that she felt naked without mascara on- she was out.

10. I walked in the door to the kitchen and stared at Nudge with scrutiny in my eyes.

11. 'Nudge...your face looks different. Simple maybe?'

12. Nudge gasps and grabs her purse. And, you know, Max.

13. Max is gone. I am here.

14. The laptop is mine. I know the password. I know what she was doing on it.

15. I picked up where she left off. Just, you know, in a different way.

Different how, you ask? Simple

1. I've stated facts. Not plausibilities. _Facts.  
_ 2. I'm giving you an invite. To the next chapter of this....travesty. And the spotlight's veering from me to....Max. That's right. _Max._ Why should you partake in this event? Again, simple.

1. I'm awesome. This has to be appreciated.  
2. It's my turn for revenge, and it's going to be amazing.  
3. I have lists within lists within lists. _Oh yeah.  
_ 4. Who doesn't enjoy annoying Maximum?  
No one.

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